Universal Therapy: Supernatural and The Phantom of the Opera
by 12crazythomas
Summary: This two families got issues, and this doctor's gonna try his hardest to fix them.


Universal Therapy #1: Supernatural & The Phantom of the Opera

_~So this a story I came up with at school to amuse my friends because I was bored. It's stupid, I know, but I'm damn proud of it. It's part of a series, so tell me if you like it so I know to put another on here. Please review if you read, but if you decide to flame it for some odd reason, you take that flame and shove it up your ass :) ~_

Dr. Victor sat down at his chair, furiously scribbling notes all the while. He was beginning his family therapy sessions today and he put two of them together. They all looked at the white room in awe and nervousness.

"Hello, I'm Doctor Victor and I will be your therapist today. Let's start off with introductions, shall we?" The first family in the room was two brothers, a hobo, and a ghost. One of the brothers yanked the other by his long hair to make him sit back down so he could talk. He smiled at the doctor while his brother teared up.

"I'm Dean Winchester and this is my sister Sammie-

"I'm a boy, dammit!" Sam interjected only to receive a nut shot.

"Sorry, my _brother_ Sam Winchester, and the ghost is Bobby and this is Cas." Bobby waved briefly before returning to gripping his flask. Cas was playing with a weird piece of clothing.

Without having to wait for Dr. Victor to say anything, the woman in the other family stood up. She was only with two other men. "I'm Christine, this is my fiancée Raoul…and that's Erik." Raoul waved hello while Erik sat in the corner of the couch with an air of resentment and his iPod on the Edith Piaf playlist. When Christine sat down she smacked Erik to make him take out his ear buds.

"Okay, then. Who wants to go first?" Dr. Victor asked, really wishing he was at home banging his husband. Sam opened his mouth to talk (probably about something stupid), but Dean raised his hand as if to stop him, which caused Sam to promptly burst into tears. "Alright, we'll start with the Winchester brother and their friends. What's bothering you?"

"Nothing if you don't count what Sammie did to my baby." Dean snapped, looking as angry as Erik did.

"I didn't mean to, Dean!" Sam retorted, something that reminded Dr. Victor strangely of mascara running down his face with the tears. Assuming Dean was speaking of a real baby, the doctor listened carefully.

"Who accidentally turns the Impala- my beautiful baby- into a damn low-rider!" Dean screamed at his brother. Cas and Bobby watched the scene play out, not shocked at all. Dr. Victor was surprised, though.

"I thought it would've been stylish." Sam mumbled.

"How is that stylish? I've seen pedophile vans look more stylish than that! You're doing this to me on purpose!"

"Maybe." Dean began violently shaking him.

"You're just pissed because I haven't jerked you off in six months, isn't it? Isn't it!" He was choking Sam now.

"Dean! Dean, your hands are freezing!" Sam said in a choked voice. No one stopped them, Dr. Victor just let them have at it until they stopped. Plus, it was hilarious.

"My only problem is," Sam began, dabbing a Kleenex under his eyes, "he just suddenly cut off all sexual ties with me and I don't know why." Dean rolled his eyes while Cas awkwardly looked at the ground. "Am I not good enough for sex anymore, Dean? You won't even let _me_ blow _you_."

"Why would you two even start in the first place? It's disgusting!" Bobby broke his silence. And he had a lot to say. "Check this out, doc, I walked in on them having sex. In the Impala. At the side of the road. At night. When they knew I was coming by to help them fix the car! Who does that!"

"Is that what killed you?" Raoul joked.

"Excuse me?" Bobby asked, giving him a one-eyed squint that reminded Raoul of a pirate.

"I meant, is seeing them together what made you die from shock or what?"

"Oh, well, no. That's totally different." Bobby demanded. Dr. Victor noted that Bobby would have thrown up in disgust by now if he wasn't dead.

"Bobby, you have to understand. It gets really lonely being out on the road all the time, ya know? Especially when the nearest town is about a hundred miles away." Dean explained, all the while looking rather ashamed of himself. "What were we supposed to do?"

"Use your Ol' Faithful!" He pleaded and pointed to his right hand. Dean scoffed as if that were beneath him while Sam continued to hold back tears. Cas was smirking to himself and Christine looked dumbfounded.

"Raoul, darling, what's he mean by that?" She asked her fiancée.

"Well, you see, when a man and his hand fall in love, they…well, they-

"He means masturbation!" Erik screamed. The room became uncomfortably quiet when he said this and plopped back down into the couch. Raoul was covering Christine's ears while telling Erik that what he said was disgusting while Dean and Bobby struggled not to cackle. Dr. Victor decided to break the awkwardness of the situation.

"The tension in here is very high, so high it's boiled over. Now, while our first family calms down we'll move on to you three." He smiled at them though they had given him a splitting headache. "We'll have Erik start, since he seems to like talking so much." Erik looked at him as if he were a deer caught in the headlights.

"Alright then I'll go." Erik grumbled, shaking his arm free from the cape Christine had told him not to wear to therapy. "Well, after Christine left me in my lair, _alone_, to be with Raoul, the mob proceeded to burn the entire building down. I barely escaped with my life, mind you. And, technically, it's Raoul's fault it happened as well-

"Oh, shut it! Doctor, he's been living in our attic for the past years and I can't take it anymore! And Christine won't kick the bugger out!" Raoul snapped.

"Raoul! He's not causing any trouble! I think it's nice having him around."

"I bet I know why." Dean mumbled, which was followed by Bobby and him sniggering.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Raoul demanded, obviously not getting the joke..

"I wish it like that," Erik said to Dean. That caused more bickering between everybody except Cas, who was still playing with what turned out to be shirt. Dr. Victor decided to pounce on him next.

"Cas, what's on your mind?" He asked, his hand about to fall off from all the notes he'd been taking.

"Not much, really. I'm just here for Dean. Moral support _for_ Dean, I mean." He added that part hastily, as if he were hiding something.

Sam let out a scream so terrifyingly girly that everyone thought it had come from Christine. After getting an equally perplexed look from Christine, they all looked at Sam. The poor girl- I mean, boy- was bawling and trying to take Cas's shirt away from him. His attempts weren't fazing Cas, who was letting Sam tug at it furiously.

"That's Dean's shirt, give me his shirt!" Sam shouted to dear ears.

"Of course it's his shirt. Why do you want it so bad?" He asked. Sam took a second to think about that, not sure how to redeem his stupidity.

"Why do you even have it?" Sam countered, not talking out of his ass for once. Cas didn't look impressed.

"I took it to the cleaners for him and I had forgotten to give it back to him and I figured, may as well bring it here so I wouldn't forget to." Cas expertly answered much to Sam's befuzzlement.

"Well, I could've done it!" Sam whined.

"Sammy, I had to let him do it or else you would've seen his jizz on it." Dean explained, smugly, knowing how Sam was going to react. And Sam didn't disappoint.

"What! You mean, you and him…what!" Sam was in disbelief, and more of that stuff Dr. Victor swore was mascara was running down Sam's face.

"Yes, I'm bored with you because I found Cas, and Cas likes to do thing you don't like to do, so there you go." Dean wrapped an arm around his hobo angel and gave him a Cheshire grin.

"Underneath this façade of scruff and wings is a very gay man." Cas admitted.

"With a big appetite and an even bigger-

"That's enough!" Bobby shouted at exactly the right moment. Cas gave the room a brief, and very rare, smile.

"Aww, that's so sweet!" Christine cooed. Erik mocked her rather immaturely. It caused Sam to look at him and feel a special connection to Erik. Which Erik didn't share. Not in the tiniest bit.

"I know how you feel." Sam said, moving to the other couch and sitting beside of Erik. He rubbed his cape affectionately.

"No you don't, you incest pansy." Erik stood and trudged over to the Winchester couch. Dean nodded him hello.

"Sup?" He said casually, an arm still draped around Cas, playing with his hair.

"Hello." Erik replied. Dr. Victor considered making him move back, but then reconsidered. That would just cause another bicker fest and Sam would cry and the doctor would spend another five minutes debating whether he was wearing or crying mascara.

"Is there a reason you like to pick on Sam, Dean?" Dr. Victor questioned, trying to steer the therapy session towards a more serious mood.

"Just look at him!" They both looked over at Sam, who looked both looked really sad and hilarious at the same time. "How can you _not_ pick on someone so pathetic?"

"He must not have been too pathetic for you to bottom out for him." Bobby said with a half amused, half disgusted expression on his face. Dean gave him a murderous expression.

"What the hell, Bobby!" Dead shouted at the ghost.

"What? It's true, despite how gross it is."

"No one else needed to know that!" Dean retorted, clearly embarrassed. Cas just sat there, looking like a hobo angel while Sam smug from the other couch and Erik tried not to hurl, from the Winchester couch.

"Are you ashamed of that, Dean? Is that why you…um, no longer enjoy…having sex with…your, um, brother?" Dr. Victor asked, extremely apprehensive about discussing such an unattractive thought.

Then Dean began to cry. "Yes! Yes, I am! It was so horrible!" He pulled Cas into a girl hug and began to all over him. Cas just petted his back awkwardly. Sam was looking at Dean affectionately, obviously touched. Bobby took notice of this and floated out of the room through the warphole back to his universe.

"So Erik, what is really bothering you?" The doctor queried, ready to take even more notes. With a sigh Erik glared at Christine.

"Why'd you choose Raoul over me?" Erik demanded.

What?"

"Come on, Christine, look at how derpy he is with his drabby hair and whiny personality! What does he have that I don't!" One of Erik's eyes was twitching at this point.

"At least I have a job! What do you do, haunt our attic?" Raoul retorted.

"Better than what you do, 'Magic Mike!'" Erik laughed. Christine's eyes went wide and she gaped at her fiancée.

"You're a stripper? I thought you worked at the office!" She screamed, then slapped him.

"Hey, hey! I do work at the office, kinda. I cater exclusively _to_ the office." Another slap from Christine followed this.

"Tell her how long you've been stripping, Raoul! Tell her how many women have groped you since September!" Erik laughed hysterically at this.

"Only for about two years, and only twenty women have me." Raoul looked about to break out into tears, which amused Erik and devastated Christine.

"You see, Doctor? That's why I don't like Christine with him."

"It's still better than haunting the attic."

"It's still better than haunting the attic."

"No, it isn't." Everyone said at one, except the doctor, who wished he hadn't taken this appointment. He knew he should've just not gone to work today. Someone else could be dealing with this fiasco.

"At least when he's haunting the attic no one's trying to grab his crotch, Raoul! Seriously, I don't know why I even agreed to marry you."

"Then don't marry me!"

"Fine, I won't!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

"Yes!" Erik jumped up and did a Tiger Woods golf arm swing. Raoul scowled at him and Christine smacked him.

"Don't look at him like that! At least he told me the truth!" A rather extravagant bout of bickering broke out between the two families. Somehow everyone got mad at each other in the process and Dr. Victor told them all to stop after Sam sustained trauma to the head. Dean let Sam lay his head in his lap after he realized Cas had disappeared and Erik was back on the Opera couch, trying to get Christine to go out with him. Raoul was gone as well, having run off so Christine wouldn't see him cry. The doctor decided it was time to wrap it up, since he knew he was going to end up killing one of them if he let them stay any longer.

"Alright, well I think we've made good progress, and I think these problems can now be sorted out on your own since we've brought them to a head." Dr. Victor said, rubbing his temples to try to make the pain stop.

After they had finally left Dr. Victor collapsed on the former Winchester and fell asleep on the shirt Dean and Cas had left.

_~Again, right up your ass. Just take that flame and shove it XD ~_


End file.
